Or the end of the Beginning?

So today is Labour Day. Sept 7th... tomorrow is the first day of school, the first day of grade 12. For some reason, my usual nerves and butterflies are missing, replaced instead by worry and apprehension. I feel like I'm just going to suck this year, like I did last year. I NEED this to go well. I have to go to university, I need to get out of Lindsay, for good.

I feel like this is my last year of anything. I am not familiar with anything beyond high school. I don't know how it feels to be on my own, having to care for myself, make my own money, and be accountable to myself. Surely it's heady in the beginning... but what happens when that feeling is over? What happens after I realize I can't go back to my old life; sleeping until 12, having my mom do my laundry, and bug me to do my homework. What happens if I can't do it? What if I just can't handle the work this year? What will happen to me? Will I end up in Lindsay for the rest of my life, having to work shitty jobs for minimum wage, just to live?

This year I've put in place several measures that will hopefully allow me to not die under the pressure this year. I have a friend who I'll study with, and another friend with organizational problems (like me) who is sharing a locker with me, so we can be accountable to each other.

I've been looking since grade 9 to find a university program that interests me. Right now I'm looking at two. Creative photography, and general history. I don't know which one I'll choose, but I know I'll need to make a choice sooner rather than later.

The cut off point for students applying to York and Ottawa U is 75%. I'm CERTAIN I can get in. But what if I can't?! What will I do?!

These are my greatest concerns, and hopefully by this time next year I'll be in the city somewhere, and actually READY to live on my own....